[Coworking] When a member moves in :( How to deal with a member who is living in their office.

[Aloma Loren]

We have a member, we'll call this member X.

X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.

It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.

X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.

Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?

I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?

Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Tony Bacigalupo]

Hey Aloma,

I'm so sorry for your having to deal with Member X. It's an unfortunate
side effect of this world that we sometimes have to deal with people who
fall into the category of "that guy," and any coworking veteran you talk to
will commiserate.

I can tell you that I am someone who is loath to kick out anyone, and that
I am always trying to find a diplomatic way of making things work.

So understand the context when I say I think this one's got to go.

Everything you're saying here is throwing up big massive huge red flags.

I'm pretty sure that, as a business, you have the right to refuse service
to anyone. If you have a written membership agreement that Member X had to
sign, then you can look to the terms of that for help, but even if you
don't, you can simply make it known to X that their behavior is detrimental
to the healthy operation of your community, and they must leave.

It might be difficult to face, but you have an obligation to the members of
your space to protect them from people who might be dangerous or
disruptive.

You can approach this in as empathic a way as possible, if you'd like—once
you finally are able to speak to this person (they'll find time to meet
with you when you tell them their membership is at risk of termination),
you can invite them to share with you what's going on in their world.
Sometimes people just need to explain themselves a little and to vent some
steam with whatever's going on with them. With careful practice you might
be able to excise them in a way that is amicable.

But the person will be upset because they're obviously dealing with a lot
of challenges right now. There's a good chance they might direct some of
that upset-ness at you.

Don't take any of it personally. People go through all kinds of things and
it comes out in all kinds of ways.

Stand firm with your responsibility to the community. Consider this an
invitation to practice doing that in a way that is kind, professional, and
firm.

Know that on the other side of this is a wonderful feeling: the feeling of
coming into your space knowing that kind of energy isn't going to be there.

Walking into a space that doesn't have a Member X in it is a really great
feeling you and your members will enjoy, and it's a feeling you'll earn
through this trial by fire.

After the dust settles we can discuss how to lay the groundwork to avoid a
Member Y situation. 🙂

Please keep us posted on how it goes!

Tony Bacigalupo
*---*
New Work Cities <http://nwc.co/consulting> • Coworking.org

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
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[Alex Hillman]

The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that got violent and they had to call the police.

Yikes. Everything about this is situation sounds messy and abusive, but this situation where he's bringing violent friends in after hours is a massive violation of trust. I would ask this person to leave + revoke their access immediately. Even if there is more to the story going on (I'm sure there is), this person is making choices that put your community at risk. I have zero tolerance for that. 

Asking members to leave is never fun (thankfully I've only had to do it 3x in 12 years!).

*My best advice from experience is to avoid the temptation to explain yourself.* Less is more, here. Decide what you're going to say ahead of time, and use that line as your answer to anything they say.

The last time I had to do this, I simply kept repeating: "What just happened was not ok, and I've made my decision that you can't come here anymore."

The truth is, it's scary to own that decision, but also empowering in the face of someone who is being abusive. 

I would turn off 24/7 access immediately, then give them a clear and specific window of time to remove their belongings from the office. If you hold any deposits, refund them proactively. Basically make it easy for them to leave and avoid any opportunities for them to make excuses. 

In the past I've also asked a couple of trusted members to be present when they come to get their stuff to ensure that I'm not alone with them. Given that the police have already been involved, you may want to get a copy of any sort of report they filed from that incident as well. 

At the end of the day, this is about keeping your space a safe place where people can trust one another. A member whose actions undermine that - especially as a pattern and with such disregard - can't be allowed to stay. 

This sucks. I'm sorry you're going through it. You'll feel shitty for a brief period of time (I certainly did) and then you'll feel relieved. 

Good luck. We've got your back. 

-Alex

--- --- --- --- --- ---
*The #1 mistake in community building is doing it by yourself.*
Better Coworkers: http://indyhall.org ( http://indyhall.org/ ) *
*
Weekly Coworking Tips: http://coworkingweekly.com ( http://coworkingweekly.com/ )
My Audiobook: https://theindyhallway.com/ten

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago. 
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds. 
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office. 
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
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[Wendy]

Aloma,
Wow, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I would suggest having two people present to talk to X. Explain to her that the security footage shows that she is living in the space and that is not allowed and her membership is revoked and she will need to vacate the premises. I would have the 2 people stay with X while she gathers her belongings and follow her out. Hopefully it is addressed in your membership agreement if not make a change now. It is so hard to know to what lengths people will try to stretch the system. Best of luck. Keep us posted.
Wendy

Sent from Mail for Windows 10

From: Aloma Loren
Sent: Monday, November 26, 2018 12:25 PM
To: Coworking
Subject: [Coworking] When a member moves in :( How to deal with a member whois living in their office.

We have a member, we'll call this member X.

X moved into a private office a couple months ago. 
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November, however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so would still have 24/7 access to the space.

It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little space between the blinds. 
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that got violent and they had to call the police.

X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.

Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?

I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after they move out of their office. 
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?

Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Alkaye Media / Al]

This is such a bad situation for everyone
but your responsibility is with 1/ the business 2/the tenants who do good care of your business.



I have to wonder. Why do you not know the condition of his space? Do you not have a key and have the right? You seem concerned that he has to be there for you to show the space. That is not, in my opinion, how it should be.



Al





From: ***@googlegroups.com [mailto:***@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Aloma Loren
Sent: Monday, November 26, 2018 12:25 PM
To: Coworking
Subject: [Coworking] When a member moves in :( How to deal with a member who is living in their office.



We have a member, we'll call this member X.



X moved into a private office a couple months ago.

X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November, however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so would still have 24/7 access to the space.



It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little space between the blinds.

The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that got violent and they had to call the police.



X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.



Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?



I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show well anyway.

I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after they move out of their office.

Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?

How do you word it?



Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Aloma Loren]

This person is ALWAYS in there! Day and night. We were hoping to check on
the space over the holiday weekend when usually no one is here but the
office was occupied. Member X shouted in in the space at my office manager
that we weren't giving them the same courtesy as other members because she
was trying to explain that we need to be able to show the office.
I saw Member X in the hallway this morning and said we need to talk and
they walked past me and went into their office saying something about how
they'll be out today or tomorrow.

Post by Alkaye Media / Al
This is such a bad situation for everyone
but your responsibility is with
1/ the business 2/the tenants who do good care of your business.
I have to wonder. Why do you not know the condition of his space? Do you
not have a key and have the right? You seem concerned that he has to be
there for you to show the space. That is not, in my opinion, how it should
be.
Al
*Sent:* Monday, November 26, 2018 12:25 PM
*To:* Coworking
*Subject:* [Coworking] When a member moves in :( How to deal with a
member who is living in their office.
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
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[AK]

This is such a crummy situation --for you and your good tenants. I guess
he took 24/7 too literally. Nevertheless, you own the building and hold the
cards. Go into his space ANYTIME you need to. I do that with my clients. A
simple knock on the door and I know if it's a good time or not. At this
point, he KNOWS you are wanting him out. Just be careful that nothing gets
ruined.

Best wishes!

Al

Post by Aloma Loren
This person is ALWAYS in there! Day and night. We were hoping to check on
the space over the holiday weekend when usually no one is here but the
office was occupied. Member X shouted in in the space at my office manager
that we weren't giving them the same courtesy as other members because she
was trying to explain that we need to be able to show the office.
I saw Member X in the hallway this morning and said we need to talk and
they walked past me and went into their office saying something about how
they'll be out today or tomorrow.

Post by Alkaye Media / Al
This is such a bad situation for everyone
but your responsibility is with
1/ the business 2/the tenants who do good care of your business.
I have to wonder. Why do you not know the condition of his space? Do you
not have a key and have the right? You seem concerned that he has to be
there for you to show the space. That is not, in my opinion, how it should
be.
Al
Behalf Of *Aloma Loren
*Sent:* Monday, November 26, 2018 12:25 PM
*To:* Coworking
*Subject:* [Coworking] When a member moves in :( How to deal with a
member who is living in their office.
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are
on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
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For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.

[Miles Fidelman]

Has anyone, you know, actually talked to the member? Sounds like someone
who's underwater & drowing. Are they having business problems? Family
problems? Mental problems? Or are you just one of those places that's
really just rental real-estate and members be damned? Not a place I'd
want to work in, or a group of people I'd want to work with.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Aloma Loren]

Wow, Miles, your comment feels full of negative assumptions about me and my
business. FYI I have run this space as a community service project without
pay for 4.5 years pouring my heart and time and energy into creating a
supportive community where people feel cared for and supported.
OF COURSE WE HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO THIS PERSON. This person literally
closed the door in my face. I was nothing but kind and only asked when they
would have time to meet in the next few days. I'm not sure how my original
comment has you drawing such conclusions but the tone of your comment is
not appreciated.

Post by Miles Fidelman
Has anyone, you know, actually talked to the member? Sounds like someone
who's underwater & drowing. Are they having business problems? Family
problems? Mental problems? Or are you just one of those places that's
really just rental real-estate and members be damned? Not a place I'd
want to work in, or a group of people I'd want to work with.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are
on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Alex Hillman]

I should have added to my original reply that I assumed Aloma had already tried speaking to this person...and that assumption on my part is based on our interactions on this list over the last few years. 

And I'm speaking directly to the folks who, like myself and Aloma and many other people who've built strong communities by being thoughtful and generous: *there is a fine line between recognizing when a member is in trouble and needs help, and when someone is being abusive. * *
*

Thing is, my default is generosity and caring and the benefit of the doubt. I'm proud of the many times that our members have been in some kind of trouble and that either myself or another member was able to help them. 

But I've learned that generosity can be abused, and that's what I see in Aloma's original post. For me, it's two specific things, and frankly, neither of them are specifically related to using a private room as a residence:

*1 - bringing in outside people after hours, and that resulting in a situation that required calling the police.*

after hours access is a privilege of trust, not a right of membership. i've written extensively about this ( https://dangerouslyawesome.com/2014/07/the-neighborhood-watch-method-for-coworking-space-security/ ) and the system we developed after being abused by someone who took advantage of a situation. that system depends on the people who have access to be WORTHY of trust. all trust systems depends on strong links recognizing weak links. in this case, NOT removing this person's 24/7 access sends a message to the strong links that the weak links are allowed.

*2 - slamming the door in the face of an employee, or any sort of belligerent behavior directed towards others.* say or do anything you want to me, but don't fuck with my team (or our members). * * Now, this isn't a "if you disagree with me you're out on the street." The specific examples shared are abusive behavior, and regardless of the reason they do not need to be tolerated within a community. 

Again, this isn't simply "you aren't nice so you're out" but abusive, disruptive behavior directed towards people, or shared resources (which basically says I don't GAF about the people I share this with).  

Humans are complicated and messy. These situations are not black and white. There is no single right way to handle this.

And worst of all, most of us don't realize what job we're signing up for when we start these things. 

Short term, I still strongly believe that this person needs their 24/7 access removed. You can tell them that you're here to support them in getting help if they need it, but they can't use the space. 

Medium term, I would strongly consider two things:

1 - consider a mental health first aid class for you, your staff, and maybe even your members who want to participate. there are lots of little things that can be done long before a situation becomes this bad. 

2 - consider a community town hall about the situation. don't make it about the person specifically, but instead about how you *as a community* would want to deal with a situation like this in the future. this could possibly be tied into the first suggestion above. 

Bottom line: this isn't a real estate business, it's a human business. That means it's going to get messy.

But that also does NOT mean that you have to sit back and get beat up by someone who is abusing you or your community.

-Alex

--- --- --- --- --- ---
*The #1 mistake in community building is doing it by yourself.*
Better Coworkers: http://indyhall.org ( http://indyhall.org/ ) *
*
Weekly Coworking Tips: http://coworkingweekly.com ( http://coworkingweekly.com/ )
My Audiobook: https://theindyhallway.com/ten

Post by Aloma Loren
Wow, Miles, your comment feels full of negative assumptions about me and
my business. FYI I have run this space as a community service project
without pay for 4.5 years pouring my heart and time and energy into
creating a supportive community where people feel cared for and supported.
OF COURSE WE HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO THIS PERSON. This person literally
closed the door in my face. I was nothing but kind and only asked when
they would have time to meet in the next few days. I'm not sure how my
original comment has you drawing such conclusions but the tone of your
comment is not appreciated. 

Has anyone, you know, actually talked to the member?  Sounds like someone
who's underwater & drowing.  Are they having business problems?  Family
problems?  Mental problems?  Or are you just one of those places that's
really just rental real-estate and members  be damned?  Not a place I'd
want to work in, or a group of people I'd want to work with.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago. 
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds. 
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office. 
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

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[Aloma Loren]

Alex,

I so appreciate how much time and care you put into your responses. It is
clear you care about coworking and community and I appreciate your
willingness to share your experience and advice in such detail.

Post by Alex Hillman
I should have added to my original reply that I assumed Aloma had already
tried speaking to this person...and that assumption on my part is based on
our interactions on this list over the last few years.
And I'm speaking directly to the folks who, like myself and Aloma and many
other people who've built strong communities by being thoughtful and
generous: *there is a fine line between recognizing when a member is in
trouble and needs help, and when someone is being abusive. *
Thing is, my default is generosity and caring and the benefit of the
doubt. I'm proud of the many times that our members have been in some kind
of trouble and that either myself or another member was able to help them.
But I've learned that generosity can be abused, and that's what I see in
Aloma's original post. For me, it's two specific things, and frankly,
neither of them are specifically related to using a private room as a
*1 - bringing in outside people after hours, and that resulting in a
situation that required calling the police. *
after hours access is a privilege of trust, not a right of membership. i've
written extensively about this
<https://dangerouslyawesome.com/2014/07/the-neighborhood-watch-method-for-coworking-space-security/>
and the system we developed after being abused by someone who took
advantage of a situation. that system depends on the people who have access
to be WORTHY of trust. all trust systems depends on strong links
recognizing weak links. in this case, NOT removing this person's 24/7
access sends a message to the strong links that the weak links are allowed.
*2 - slamming the door in the face of an employee, or any sort of
belligerent behavior directed towards others. *say or do anything you
want to me, but don't fuck with my team (or our members). Now, this
isn't a "if you disagree with me you're out on the street." The specific
examples shared are abusive behavior, and regardless of the reason they do
not need to be tolerated within a community.
Again, this isn't simply "you aren't nice so you're out" but abusive,
disruptive behavior directed towards people, or shared resources (which
basically says I don't GAF about the people I share this with).
Humans are complicated and messy. These situations are not black and
white. There is no single right way to handle this.
And worst of all, most of us don't realize what job we're signing up for
when we start these things.
Short term, I still strongly believe that this person needs their 24/7
access removed. You can tell them that you're here to support them in
getting help if they need it, but they can't use the space.
1 - consider a mental health first aid class for you, your staff, and
maybe even your members who want to participate. there are lots of little
things that can be done long before a situation becomes this bad.
2 - consider a community town hall about the situation. don't make it
about the person specifically, but instead about how you *as a community*
would want to deal with a situation like this in the future. this could
possibly be tied into the first suggestion above.
Bottom line: this isn't a real estate business, it's a human business.
That means it's going to get messy.
But that also does NOT mean that you have to sit back and get beat up by
someone who is abusing you or your community.
-Alex
------------------
*The #1 mistake in community building is doing it by yourself.*
Better Coworkers: http://indyhall.org
Weekly Coworking Tips: http://coworkingweekly.com
My Audiobook: https://theindyhallway.com/ten

Post by Aloma Loren
Wow, Miles, your comment feels full of negative assumptions about me and
my business. FYI I have run this space as a community service project
without pay for 4.5 years pouring my heart and time and energy into
creating a supportive community where people feel cared for and supported.
OF COURSE WE HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO THIS PERSON. This person literally
closed the door in my face. I was nothing but kind and only asked when they
would have time to meet in the next few days. I'm not sure how my original
comment has you drawing such conclusions but the tone of your comment is
not appreciated.

Post by Miles Fidelman
Has anyone, you know, actually talked to the member? Sounds like
someone who's underwater & drowing. Are they having business problems?
Family problems? Mental problems? Or are you just one of those places
that's really just rental real-estate and members be damned? Not a place
I'd want to work in, or a group of people I'd want to work with.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are
on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
--

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[Tony Bacigalupo]

Aloma,

Wow, what an intense finish. It sounds like you were sensing things were
coming to a head.

Now, as the dust settles, can be a valuable time for your community to come
together.

You may consider convening a town hall or some more informal gathering to
give people a chance to voice their feelings about what happened and for
you to share your own experience as well.

Collectively, your community can use this moment to form stronger bonds and
develop a greater resolve to protect each other and the space going forward.

Do you think that's something you and your people might be open to?

Tony

Post by Aloma Loren
Alex,
I so appreciate how much time and care you put into your responses. It is
clear you care about coworking and community and I appreciate your
willingness to share your experience and advice in such detail.

Post by Alex Hillman
I should have added to my original reply that I assumed Aloma had already
tried speaking to this person...and that assumption on my part is based on
our interactions on this list over the last few years.
And I'm speaking directly to the folks who, like myself and Aloma and
many other people who've built strong communities by being thoughtful and
generous: *there is a fine line between recognizing when a member is in
trouble and needs help, and when someone is being abusive. *
Thing is, my default is generosity and caring and the benefit of the
doubt. I'm proud of the many times that our members have been in some kind
of trouble and that either myself or another member was able to help them.
But I've learned that generosity can be abused, and that's what I see in
Aloma's original post. For me, it's two specific things, and frankly,
neither of them are specifically related to using a private room as a
*1 - bringing in outside people after hours, and that resulting in a
situation that required calling the police. *
after hours access is a privilege of trust, not a right of membership. i've
written extensively about this
<https://dangerouslyawesome.com/2014/07/the-neighborhood-watch-method-for-coworking-space-security/>
and the system we developed after being abused by someone who took
advantage of a situation. that system depends on the people who have access
to be WORTHY of trust. all trust systems depends on strong links
recognizing weak links. in this case, NOT removing this person's 24/7
access sends a message to the strong links that the weak links are allowed.
*2 - slamming the door in the face of an employee, or any sort of
belligerent behavior directed towards others. *say or do anything you
want to me, but don't fuck with my team (or our members). Now, this
isn't a "if you disagree with me you're out on the street." The specific
examples shared are abusive behavior, and regardless of the reason they do
not need to be tolerated within a community.
Again, this isn't simply "you aren't nice so you're out" but abusive,
disruptive behavior directed towards people, or shared resources (which
basically says I don't GAF about the people I share this with).
Humans are complicated and messy. These situations are not black and
white. There is no single right way to handle this.
And worst of all, most of us don't realize what job we're signing up for
when we start these things.
Short term, I still strongly believe that this person needs their 24/7
access removed. You can tell them that you're here to support them in
getting help if they need it, but they can't use the space.
1 - consider a mental health first aid class for you, your staff, and
maybe even your members who want to participate. there are lots of little
things that can be done long before a situation becomes this bad.
2 - consider a community town hall about the situation. don't make it
about the person specifically, but instead about how you *as a community*
would want to deal with a situation like this in the future. this could
possibly be tied into the first suggestion above.
Bottom line: this isn't a real estate business, it's a human business.
That means it's going to get messy.
But that also does NOT mean that you have to sit back and get beat up by
someone who is abusing you or your community.
-Alex
------------------
*The #1 mistake in community building is doing it by yourself.*
Better Coworkers: http://indyhall.org
Weekly Coworking Tips: http://coworkingweekly.com
My Audiobook: https://theindyhallway.com/ten

Post by Aloma Loren
Wow, Miles, your comment feels full of negative assumptions about me and
my business. FYI I have run this space as a community service project
without pay for 4.5 years pouring my heart and time and energy into
creating a supportive community where people feel cared for and supported.
OF COURSE WE HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO THIS PERSON. This person literally
closed the door in my face. I was nothing but kind and only asked when they
would have time to meet in the next few days. I'm not sure how my original
comment has you drawing such conclusions but the tone of your comment is
not appreciated.

Post by Miles Fidelman
Has anyone, you know, actually talked to the member? Sounds like
someone who's underwater & drowing. Are they having business problems?
Family problems? Mental problems? Or are you just one of those places
that's really just rental real-estate and members be damned? Not a place
I'd want to work in, or a group of people I'd want to work with.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they
are on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my
office manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about
this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not
show well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space
after they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
--

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[Jeannine van der Linden]

SInce talking in person is not working, I would stop doing that. I think

Dear coworker,

As you know, you have terminated your contract for a private office with
us as of 30 November. At that time you requested to change to a 24/7
contract, and that request was honored. However, in the mean time a number
of issues have arisen:

1) It appears that you are living in the space. Eugene Mindworks is not
suitable for residential use, and is also not zoned for residential use.
Living in the space is not an option.
2) There has been at least one violent incident in the space to which the
police had to be called. This is not safe for you, the space, or the other
community members.
3) You have refused to allow anyone to enter the private office to show it
to prospective new coworkers. This is harmful to Eugene Mindworks and to
its community.
4) When I or the Community Manager have tried to talk to you about this,
you have rebuffed each attempt, closing the door in the Community manager's
face. We are concerned about you as well as about the space and our other
members, but refusing to communicate is harmful to our community and our
relationship with you.

Accordingly, as of 30 November with the termination of your private office
contract, I see no choice other than to ask you to remove all of your
belongings and leave the space. A 24/7 membership is not possible under
these circumstances. I regret that I cannot extend your contract but as
things are I do not see how I can.

Sincerely,

Aloma

[Aloma Loren]

So shit hit the fan yesterday afternoon.
This person had two other women come visit her and the three women ended up
physically assaulting each other. The police were called and the member was
arrested. She clearly was way more unstable than we thought. She resisted
arrest, biting and assaulting the officers, so much so that she had to be
hog tied and carried out by several officers. She had an air mattress in
her office, drugs and alcohol, the office is a complete mess and she was
obviously living out of it.

So many lessons here!

Thank you so much for the supportive messages and this community for being
here so we all have a place to talk about the joys and challenges of
running these spaces.
We have always operated in an open, trusting way and will continue to do
so. This is our first issue in 4.5 years and our community of members is
generally amazing and respectful of our space.

If anyone has some good wording for our handbook regarding what defines
living out of an office and being able to terminate a membership at any
time I'd love to see it. I think I do need to make some adjustments to how
things are written in our handbook just to cover bases and make things
extra super clear!

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Carl Sullivan]

Wow, what an ending.

I know this is now resolved, in future you could benefit from replacing
what I am assuming is a solid door with a glass door. It sets a better tone
that while offices are "private work spaces", they are not "private
spaces", it mihgt be a good mental shift so that people like Member X
cannot completly divide their space from the rest of your coworking
community.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are on
the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Aloma Loren]

Thank you for your suggestions but her office did have a window in the
door. It had a blind that she could put down for some privacy but she also
had a towel taped up to cover gaps so you couldn't see anything. I need
some good wording for our handbook about this so any input for that would
be awesome.

Post by Carl Sullivan
Wow, what an ending.
I know this is now resolved, in future you could benefit from replacing
what I am assuming is a solid door with a glass door. It sets a better tone
that while offices are "private work spaces", they are not "private
spaces", it mihgt be a good mental shift so that people like Member X
cannot completly divide their space from the rest of your coworking
community.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are
on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.

[Alex Hillman]

I would keep your member handbook language simple:

- meeting rooms and private spaces are not to be used as a living space.
doors can be closed or locked for privacy, but private spaces must remain
accessible to staff and leadership. (If this poses a security or privacy
risk please talk to us ahead of time and we can work something out!)
- all memberships and 24/7 access is a privilege not a right, and can be
revoked at the descretion of community leadership.

The thing I am always very careful about is creating unnecessary language
and restrictions for the majority based on the outlier actions of a single
person. That kind of "scar tissue" exists in most rulebooks, where you can
read a rule and think "the only reason this is here is because some idiot
did that."

Ultimately, I don't believe that the person you described in this scenario
wasn't going to be deterred by a certain string of words. Yes, it's
valuable to set expectations for everyone but remember when writing new
rules that this person was an exception, not the rule :)

Alex

Post by Aloma Loren
Thank you for your suggestions but her office did have a window in the
door. It had a blind that she could put down for some privacy but she also
had a towel taped up to cover gaps so you couldn't see anything. I need
some good wording for our handbook about this so any input for that would
be awesome.

Post by Carl Sullivan
Wow, what an ending.
I know this is now resolved, in future you could benefit from replacing
what I am assuming is a solid door with a glass door. It sets a better tone
that while offices are "private work spaces", they are not "private
spaces", it mihgt be a good mental shift so that people like Member X
cannot completly divide their space from the rest of your coworking
community.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are
on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
--

You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
"Coworking" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.

[Aloma Loren]

This is perfect Alex, thank you and I agree. This is the only real issue
we've had like this in 4.5 years and I'm committed to continuing our
history of being trusting and flexible and assuming people have the best
intentions until they prove otherwise.

Post by Alex Hillman
- meeting rooms and private spaces are not to be used as a living space.
doors can be closed or locked for privacy, but private spaces must remain
accessible to staff and leadership. (If this poses a security or privacy
risk please talk to us ahead of time and we can work something out!)
- all memberships and 24/7 access is a privilege not a right, and can be
revoked at the descretion of community leadership.
The thing I am always very careful about is creating unnecessary language
and restrictions for the majority based on the outlier actions of a single
person. That kind of "scar tissue" exists in most rulebooks, where you can
read a rule and think "the only reason this is here is because some idiot
did that."
Ultimately, I don't believe that the person you described in this scenario
wasn't going to be deterred by a certain string of words. Yes, it's
valuable to set expectations for everyone but remember when writing new
rules that this person was an exception, not the rule :)
Alex

Post by Aloma Loren
Thank you for your suggestions but her office did have a window in the
door. It had a blind that she could put down for some privacy but she also
had a towel taped up to cover gaps so you couldn't see anything. I need
some good wording for our handbook about this so any input for that would
be awesome.

Post by Carl Sullivan
Wow, what an ending.
I know this is now resolved, in future you could benefit from replacing
what I am assuming is a solid door with a glass door. It sets a better tone
that while offices are "private work spaces", they are not "private
spaces", it mihgt be a good mental shift so that people like Member X
cannot completly divide their space from the rest of your coworking
community.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they are
on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my office
manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not show
well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space after
they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
--

You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
"Coworking" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.

--
------------------ The #1 mistake in community building is doing it by
yourself. Join the list: http://coworkingweekly.com Listen to the
podcast: http://dangerouslyawesome.com/podcast

[Carl Sullivan]

After a couple of tech bros did something similar in our space we made a
rule that your not allowed to be on site for more that 18 continuious
hours, as too much work can be dangerous to your health.

Post by Aloma Loren
This is perfect Alex, thank you and I agree. This is the only real issue
we've had like this in 4.5 years and I'm committed to continuing our
history of being trusting and flexible and assuming people have the best
intentions until they prove otherwise.

Post by Alex Hillman
- meeting rooms and private spaces are not to be used as a living space.
doors can be closed or locked for privacy, but private spaces must remain
accessible to staff and leadership. (If this poses a security or privacy
risk please talk to us ahead of time and we can work something out!)
- all memberships and 24/7 access is a privilege not a right, and can be
revoked at the descretion of community leadership.
The thing I am always very careful about is creating unnecessary language
and restrictions for the majority based on the outlier actions of a single
person. That kind of "scar tissue" exists in most rulebooks, where you can
read a rule and think "the only reason this is here is because some idiot
did that."
Ultimately, I don't believe that the person you described in this
scenario wasn't going to be deterred by a certain string of words. Yes,
it's valuable to set expectations for everyone but remember when writing
new rules that this person was an exception, not the rule :)
Alex

Post by Aloma Loren
Thank you for your suggestions but her office did have a window in the
door. It had a blind that she could put down for some privacy but she also
had a towel taped up to cover gaps so you couldn't see anything. I need
some good wording for our handbook about this so any input for that would
be awesome.

Post by Carl Sullivan
Wow, what an ending.
I know this is now resolved, in future you could benefit from replacing
what I am assuming is a solid door with a glass door. It sets a better tone
that while offices are "private work spaces", they are not "private
spaces", it mihgt be a good mental shift so that people like Member X
cannot completly divide their space from the rest of your coworking
community.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around the
space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they don't
shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any little
space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they
are on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my
office manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about
this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not
show well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space
after they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
--

You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
Groups "Coworking" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.

--
------------------ The #1 mistake in community building is doing it by
yourself. Join the list: http://coworkingweekly.com Listen to the
podcast: http://dangerouslyawesome.com/podcast

[Aloma Loren]

Perfect. That's what we were just talking about!

Post by Carl Sullivan
After a couple of tech bros did something similar in our space we made a
rule that your not allowed to be on site for more that 18 continuious
hours, as too much work can be dangerous to your health.

Post by Aloma Loren
This is perfect Alex, thank you and I agree. This is the only real issue
we've had like this in 4.5 years and I'm committed to continuing our
history of being trusting and flexible and assuming people have the best
intentions until they prove otherwise.

Post by Alex Hillman
- meeting rooms and private spaces are not to be used as a living space.
doors can be closed or locked for privacy, but private spaces must remain
accessible to staff and leadership. (If this poses a security or privacy
risk please talk to us ahead of time and we can work something out!)
- all memberships and 24/7 access is a privilege not a right, and can be
revoked at the descretion of community leadership.
The thing I am always very careful about is creating unnecessary
language and restrictions for the majority based on the outlier actions of
a single person. That kind of "scar tissue" exists in most rulebooks, where
you can read a rule and think "the only reason this is here is because some
idiot did that."
Ultimately, I don't believe that the person you described in this
scenario wasn't going to be deterred by a certain string of words. Yes,
it's valuable to set expectations for everyone but remember when writing
new rules that this person was an exception, not the rule :)
Alex

Post by Aloma Loren
Thank you for your suggestions but her office did have a window in the
door. It had a blind that she could put down for some privacy but she also
had a towel taped up to cover gaps so you couldn't see anything. I need
some good wording for our handbook about this so any input for that would
be awesome.

Post by Carl Sullivan
Wow, what an ending.
I know this is now resolved, in future you could benefit from
replacing what I am assuming is a solid door with a glass door. It sets a
better tone that while offices are "private work spaces", they are not
"private spaces", it mihgt be a good mental shift so that people like
Member X cannot completly divide their space from the rest of your
coworking community.

Post by Aloma Loren
We have a member, we'll call this member X.
X moved into a private office a couple months ago.
X gave 30 days notice that they will be out by the end of November,
however, they want to continue their membership as a Flex Desk member so
would still have 24/7 access to the space.
It is clear from our security cameras X is here 24/7. Walks around
the space in their socks, is always in the same clothes, looks like they
don't shower... Hung a towel over the inside of the door to block any
little space between the blinds.
The other night the cameras showed the police here at 4:30am walking
through the space with flashlights. X says they had a friend in here that
got violent and they had to call the police.
X refuses to let us show the office to new members. They claim they
are on the phone and busy all day. They literally slammed the door in my
office manager's face when she was trying to talk to her very kindly about
this.
Anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
I can handle not showing the office. I have a feeling it would not
show well anyway.
I do not feel comfortable with X still having access to the space
after they move out of their office.
Have you had to cancel a membership/refuse someone before?
How do you word it?
Any advice or just sharing of stories welcome.
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